Joseph

I'm working on a lesson for my kids for Sunday, and I was originally going to skip from Abraham to David, but I saw a craft for Joseph, and there was a check in my spirit not to skip over him.  But I think it might be more for me and what I need to learn from him then what the kids need to learn from him.  A friend had posted a blog about Abba... Daddy.  God is our daddy!  He is there for us when we fall, and when we hurt, He's still right there.  He allows us our decisions and He allows things to happen to us that we don't understand, that we feel aren't fair, and that HURT US!!! Some of you know what my life has looked like the last few months, and I'm hurting!  I ache emotionally daily.  Some of this is due to things that have been done to me, but a lot of this pain is coming from decisions that I have made.  These decisions have cut me off from those around me that would have loved me and helped me work through my pain.  Instead I chose for many years to hold all that should have been worked out inside me.  I have reached a point that God is helping me release some of this pain, but it's painful.  And there has been a significant amount of anger that has worked its way to the surface.  Now I am no Joseph!  I question, I doubt, I have fear, and I wonder WHY??? I had a screaming match with God (which I lost) and I got into a fight with a pillow (which I won) and just in general am confused and angry.  I wonder though how many times Joseph questioned.  Scripture doesn't tell us his every thought, word, fear, and question.  I think there had to be some of each of those, but what God found important was something completely different than any of these things.  God found Joseph's actions to be important!  What do we know about Joseph?  He was obedient, he stepped out when God told him to, and even when it was hard and it must've seemed like God had forgotten about him, he did all as unto God!  I think Joseph did question and wonder, but he knew that his GOD had given him a dream and a purpose and he held fast to that regardless of the circumstances.

I have heard numerous times from numerous people that it's okay to feel angry with God, and it's okay to ask him why!   I finally after many many years believe that!!! What's not okay, is disobedience because of that anger!  God doesn't call us to perfection, because He knows that outside of Himself that's not possible!  He calls us to obedience, to love, and to glorify Him.  If these things are accomplished it doesn't matter to Him if we scream at Him, it doesn't matter if we doubt, it doesn't even matter if we feel like He's forgotten us!!!!!  God is our Abba, and He is perfect, and He can handle our fears, and doubts!  He lifts us above them, and if we express them He helps us work them out and He loves us and holds us through them!  I got for the first time probably in my life a human example of God's arms wrapped around me!  After my pillow fight, a lady I know just held me and let me get out all the tears that I could manage.  (which were a lot might I add!)  This was her showing me God's reaction to my outburst!!  And I would encourage each of you, my friends, to reach out to God with your anger, fears, hurts, doubts, and questions.  He wants to hold you through them, and who knows that He won't send you a human embodiment of His love!  **abrazos**

Antietam

Today a dear friend of mine and I had a bit of a retreat if you will... we went to the Antietam battlefield, to a little bridge that is picturesque and amazing.  For me, this was supporting a friend, nothing more, nothing less.  I knew that we would have a great time together, and it would be good for me as well, but this was really all about her.  While we were sitting though, I started imagining the battle.  For those of you that know me, my imagination can go a little nuts sometimes!  But here i sit leaned up against a stonewall and I'm picturing the battle raging around me.  Then like a snap of the fingers, I saw what actually was going on around me.  This poem came to me after that happened.

Blood gushing, screams echoing
Water running, birds chirping
Bombs exploding, horses neighing
Crickets singing, cars purring


The difference, then and now
So stark, so contrasting
What must've been 
Replaced with what now is


Look around, all evidence gone
Grass so green, sky so blue
Not a trace of the devastation


But under the surface it still sits
Bloody tree roots, bullet casings
Life flourishes and covers


To an untrained eye all is calm
But to those that know
The battlefield awakens

Virginia Bluebell

Virginia Bluebell by Miranda Lambert


Carrying the weight on the end of a limb
You’re just waiting for somebody to pick you up again
Shaded by a tree, can’t live up to a rose
All you ever wanted was a sunny place to grow

Pretty little thing, sometimes you gotta look up
And let the world see all the beauty that you’re made of
‘Cause the way you hang your head nobody can tell
You’re my Virginia Bluebell
My Virginia Bluebell


Put a little light in the darkest places
Put a little smile on the saddest faces

This song has been speaking to me ever since I was in Colombia.  We as women all have things that weigh down on us.  And usually we feel that we are out on the edge of a limb and that everything we carry is going to crash down on us and we are going to fall hard.  Even the strongest of us feel that we want someone to bear some of the weight, or at least pick us up and carry us until things aren't so heavy. 

In our own minds, how many of us are really a rose?  How many of us really measure up to the "ideal" flower?  Instead we just want to be planted somewhere that we can shine and we can allow the sun to just soak into us.

The chorus strikes me hard because how many times a day do we as women tell each other how great we are, how pretty we are, what we have to offer the world, but instead of accepting those compliments, we blow them off. How easy is it to say to ourselves "she's just saying that because she loves me" or "if she only knew what's inside she wouldn't be saying that".  WAY TOO MANY TIMES!! I am the queen of this, ask anyone who knows me.  Every woman I know says that to themselves.  But sometimes, we just gotta look up.  I know that Miranda means this more as a confidence thing, being confident in yourself and others will see that, but I take it completely different.  We need to first of all see what God sees in us, so when we look up, we need to look up to God.  We need to hear His heart about who we are to Him!  Then and ONLY THEN can we allow the world to see the beauty that we are made of, because we will be receiving that beauty from our Abba Father, the creator and imaginator (don't know the word I am looking for so go with it!) of all things beautiful!  


So many times we hang our head.  Why? Because we forget that we are the DAUGHTERS of the KING OF KINGS!! I am working now on grasping in the deepest part of my soul that i am a woman of God!!!!  This is not an easy concept for me, and unless I miss my guess for a lot of you that may be reading this right now!  We need to grasp that and lift our heads up!! 


We as women of God have certain privileges, but more importantly we have responsibilities!  God has given us wondrous gifts that he wants us to use to touch people!  We have an amazing and wonderful opportunity to do what the "bridge" of this song says.  Put a little LIGHT in the darkest places, put a little smile on the saddest faces!  This comes from just being us, and allowing the true LIGHT OF THE WORLD to shine through us!!!  


My friends, women of God, lift up your head and let us all see what God has placed inside of you and the beauty that you are created to be!!  That is my prayer as I write this blog, and as I go through this week for all of you that may be reading it!  **abrazos(hugs)**

Surrender

Surrender... what does that mean and how do we do it? It's easy to say oh surrender means to give up, sure we know the definition of the word, but do we know what it MEANS? Before I go there, I'm going to include the dictionary definitions...

verb (used with object)

1. to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress:
2. to give (oneself) up, as to the police.
3. to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.:
4.to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).
5.to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.
verb (used without object)
6.to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

Sometimes the things that we are called to surrender are just that things... When we get married, we are called to surrender some possessions to make room for our spouses possessions... when we decide we want something, like a new car, we have to surrender the old one to make that happen...

Sometimes the what we have to surrender is ourselves (ie definition number 2)

Sometimes we have to surrender our emotions... like we surrender our anger or our hurt and we replace it with joy... or sometimes we even surrender our joy replacing it with anger or hurt!

A friend of mine wonderfully stated that surrender is “giving in. Sometimes we need to give in to something to allow for something else that could be better to happen.”

So when we are asked to surrender to God what does that mean? It means that we need to give ourselves up... DUH... But who are we? Are we just a physical being, or even an emotional one? Are we just our soul? I would venture to say (in agreement with Barlow Girl) we are our dreams! Well, we are a combination of our past experiences and our future dreams/goals/hopes. 

In some ways it is easier to give our past experiences to God because they have already happened! (Not that it's EASY! just easier)   But our dreams, that is something completely different!  We have invested time and energy into our dreams.  But I think that's what God wants most! 

Now how do we surrender ourselves and our dreams to God?  That's different for every person and every situation, but I think that our surrender comes when we chose to continue to follow God and trust him even when the road doesn't flow exactly where we thought it would...  When we tell God through our actions, You are more important that what I want, or thought my life was going to be!!  It's that simple (I know not simple right?)

But trust me, I'm living this right now! If you know me, you know I have wanted to do missions since I was 8 years old!  I am now 26 and for the first time got the chance to come to Colombia in what I thought was going to be a self organized missions trip.  I was going to be here for 5 weeks, and 3-4 of those weeks I was going to be working in a orphanage!  But here I am 2 1/2 weeks in and have been at the orphanage 1 day!  And I found out today that I don't get to go back!  So now where does that leave me?  I don't know, and that's hard... But I have spent the last 2 hours praying and saying God I surrender that which I wanted to do, even though it was a good thing, to whever else you want me to do!   It's been hard, and I was upset and bummed, but I KNOW that God provided a way for me to be here and led me here.  I just have to rest in that knowledge!  And wait yet again for the fullfilment of my dreams!  (BTW I also know I will struggle with this on and off, it's not just simply solved)

Before I even found out for sure about that, I was listening to the Barlow Girl song "Surrender" that's actually what inspired me to write this blog.  so i'm going to end my blog with that...  Listen to the words, and know that when God does ask us to surrender our dreams/ourselves, He has something so much better planned! :)

(and in case the video doesn't work properly for you here, here is the site... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG7lBZAULE8

Reoccuring Lessons

Wow... so it amazes me how that God can take lessons that you have learned in the past and bring them back around just when you need them!  As some people know, this trip to Colombia has been something that I have looked forward to... and once I got here it was going amazing! However, there were some things that weren't like I expected them to be... and I got really discouraged!  I won't rehash all the things that lead me to that place, but that's where I was!
Today I was talking to a few friends, one that just let me talk and "process", and for those that know me, you know I am a verbal processor!  My other friend shared her blog with me, and then I remembered this blog... I had forgotten that I even started it, so I shared it with her and then actually went and read it for myself.  And a couple of the things that I had written about applied yet again!  Am I going to let this situation in Colombia harden me and make me turn away from my passion? Or am I going to let it teach me!!! And teach me it has!!! Am I going to trust God to work in me and in those around me while I'm here? Or am I going to be frustrated and irritated because things aren't going how I thought they would go?  

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am here in Colombia for a reason and for a purpose, and I know that God has lead me here, and I know that i want to do this for the rest of my life!!! So why did I ever have a doubt that just because things fell apart that somehow this wasn't what I wanted???  God's bigger than all my challenges oh and He can handle them too!! 

So this is the first in my new series of blogs!  I can't promise what will come out of them, but I promise that God will be the center of them! :)  So I hope you enjoy this journey of lessons with me!